C is...... back?!

           I wasn't expecting a message from her. Not now, at least. It's not my birthday yet, since that was/is the time that she usualy shows up, tells me she misses our talks/me and then she went/goes back away. But, a couple of days ago i've checked an e-mail adress that i don't oftenly do. That message, although meaning really nothing else than that she misses me, devastated me. Im in a downwards spiral. I've replied with a "i'm busy in july, but afterwards: see you soon". I think it's time for drastic measures.The kind that i either end up with her for good or i destroy anything for good. Might have to resort to physical violence. If i'm lucky and she has a boyfriend, might not need that and after some talks with him and her, she will stop.  But i will give it one more shot. One more shot for happyness. Not that i'm not happy right now, i've got someone that loves me and cherishes me, but.... it's not IT for me, not by a longshot.\\

The end of this rambling/ranting/stupid emotional shit.
Laters.
No, no song this time.

Motivation.... where are you?

            Seems i've been writing less and less here. Guess i don't have much to say, then. Or maybe i have too much.
      Couple of days back, i made a gamble and  i could say i lost it. Nonetheless, i've lost someone, a friend. Most likely she left for good or i will not open my arms to welcome her back if she decides otherwise. The rules of the jungle. But in this case, i will miss at least for a while that beautiful child, that i got to know almost a year ago.

      I've been realising that i'm sitting more and more on my ass and i'm not doing anything, a lethargic situation, if i can call it that. I'm not learning new stuff, i'm not doing much. I'll have a rough couple of months ahead of me soon, exams are coming up and i don't know squat. I should get off my ass and start doing some "light" reading, but there's nothing really pushing me to do better. I think i need some waves splashing on the shore, a bit of silent meditation. I can't see the road in front of me, i don't understand some of  my choices, i have nothing to really motivate me.


Enough for now, not in the mood for a proof reading so.... any mistakes done will be left for posterity. As always a song: Metallica-Some kind of monster. Farewell.

Arms of the Angel

                        I'll start by answering to "Anonymous": i fiind that words are empty without the person that says them. You want to say something, say who you are first, that way it shows that you believe in what you are saying. Also, i don't worry, never did, never will do. I don't actualy "need" anyone, i've always survived, even in the harshest enviroments, but i could say that, that "need" stands for something wishfull deep inside. I don't need anyone to complete myself, i would like someone that can whitstand the storm that most of the times i am and the calm that comes afterwards, to know that i'm the anti-perfection, that i struggle everyday with myself around others, to accept my asshole like behavior and not really monogamous one(i could say: but at least i'm upfront about it and i'm kinky as fuck); and i could say the list goes on and on. I think that should cover it.

       On other thoughts i've been thinking a bit, about A and the last time i passed trough Timisoara. To be honest, was thinking more about her in a sexual way. I hope she is well and started making better choices about herself. She was/is a good kid, but a bit missguided and ill thought by life.


          I'd have a lot to write down here, but ... i don't have the "mojo" to do it, so i guess this will be enough for now. As always, a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUmhtWUheTY