Stray

H- Because you do not believe in God does not mean God does not believe in you.
R- Think someone can spend half their life in the slam... with a horse bit in their mouth and not believe? Think he could start out in some trash bin... with an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and not believe? Got it all wrong, Holy Man. I absolutely believe in God and I absolutely hate the fucker.

                  I was born with the umbilical cord wraped around my neck twice. At some point during the delivery the nurse had to hold me from my head so tight, that i had bruises left for 2 weeks... i was slipping back in, couldn't breathe and was all purple because i was lacking my dose of friendly oxigen. I was talking with my mother about this and i laughed at it, saying that i didn't screamed after birth because i was "chillin brotha' ", but i was actualy dead, or almost dead. Though even then, a child just born, i wasn't afraid of death i kept my cool, i came back to life. I didn't scream while the metaphorical bullet was shot towards me. I was alone in the ward, the only child born that day in that hospital and in the first minutes of my life, i fought for it. Right before my mom would have started worrying, i gasped for breath, but remained silent. I was born and alive, my purple skin started turning pink but the bruises on my head, will forever be there.
       It's been a hard one and a half past year, very hard.
       I've fought with everyone and myself, gathering information, about them, about myself, about where to go from here. And although i've fought with everything, i never forgot to smile when i saw a couple caressing each other, a baby making it's first steps, a dog barking at the wrong tree. Now i know why. I was smiling at love, that feeling that rises you up on hills never before seen. Before all the fighting for about a decade, i thought that i was doing the good thing in this world. That i was righteous and mercifull. That i was helpfull and understanding. That i was fighting for the good in people and for thy good.
        But i was far from it. Why do i say this? Well the answer is simple, i was comparing the good i was doing, my notion of good with the rest of the world. And i was very wrong. I thought that i knew what thy good and thy bad meant. And not the good and the bad thought of by everyone, but that mathemathical constant, that physics rule.

            All of this started when i had my first discutions about "normal". What is normal? How can you put it on a scale? I didn't saw it then, but i see it now. In comparison to the world, i was doing good, in comparison to thy good, i was far from it. I understand it now, i see it now, i know it now.

      But, what's next? Do i go Spiderman/Superman/any superhero and say/act "with great power comes great responsability"? Or have i lost faith in everyone already? Don't get me wrong, although i could say i got some "special powers" myself, i'm not crazy believing that i'm some kind of a superhero, i used it this way cause it's a good reference.

                                                   Where do i go from here?